It’s only been two days since my last post but I wanted to put an update
up while certain things were fresh in my mind.
Since writing the last post I’ve thought a little bit about what others
might think when reading it. Although I have no great concerns about how others
perceive me and what I write, I am interested and intrigued by how people perceive
things in general. With that in mind, I’ve been wondering how people will view what
I’ve written in the last post. I was open and honest about my depression and
the level of suicidal thoughts that frequently attack me and I was honest about
how much I’ve been struggling. My only concern about what I’ve written is that
some people will perceive my words as too negative.
I have mentioned before that I
don’t really think my discussions are negative, just a logical analysis of my
own circumstance and emotions. However, that’s my perspective and everyone is different
so please approach all of this as you wish and take what you want from it;
after all, that’s what’s most important at the end of the day. If others do
think I’m negative at times I hope it’s not wrong of me to suggest, perhaps,
the adoption of my own approach and look at what I’ve written with a logical
approach first, then use this as the foundation for an emotional/positive or
negative approach if you wish. This emotional/logical perspective and its relationship will
be looked at more in a future blog post as it’s something that fascinates me. Even
in the last few days the doctor, who was seeing me for the first time, touched
briefly on how I seem to show high functioning levels of both emotion and logic.
This leads perfectly into the next part of what I wanted to share today. As mentioned, I’ve been feeling horrible and a
bit lost recently and struggling to see how I was going to move forward. I was
worried the Doctor might not be able to help me or not see how much I’m
struggling, but I was mistaken. The Doctor listened to me waffle for a few
minutes, as I tried to give an overview of what was going on and how I was
struggling to keep up with certain expectations. After she listened she
discussed a few things with me and then without hesitation and with compassion
she gave me a note for time off from Jobseekers so I could rest and rebuild my
strength and health. Just the relief of knowing I wasn’t going to be hounded by
Jobseekers meant I could relax and not stress about this. Such a small act of
help and the weight of this being lifted was exactly what I needed.
I can now sit back for a week or so and recover and be able to move forward at a slower pace that will not burn me
out. The Doctor wants regular visits to discuss how to move things forward and
decide what support she can offer. The goodness and kindness she has shown has
made a world of difference and filled me with a little more hope. I know I have
the kindness of friends and family and that has always been my greatest
support, but knowing there is a professional who is on my side and wants to
help adds to the well of hope that I can draw upon. I was fortunate to have a
similar Doctor who tried to help when I was living in Scotland, but the support
of mental health professionals he referred me to took three months to respond,
and by that time I had moved down here.
I know it may take just as long again but I
have focus here with college and hopefully some volunteering that I will do my
best to balance with the rest I need. The simple act of a professional having
some understanding and compassion towards me has been so important, but I know
it is not always the case. To any who feel they are not receiving the help they
need please keep looking. If you have to change Doctor, or, depending on what
you’re going through, transfer to another professional, then do it. There are
those out there who understand and want to help. Sometimes it takes a couple of
tries to find them, but they do exist.
As for me it’s now time to put on an
audiobook and keep resting as the nausea and fatigue are shifting, but very slowly.
No Fun or Educational links
today, just a simple smile from me to you :)
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