Before I begin I just want to put a little update on how I’m
doing. The last couple of posts have been about some of the struggles I’m currently
facing and I just want to say I’m feeling a bit better than I have been.
There’s still a long way to go and I’m doing my best to balance how much I rest
and how much effort I can put into things, but I’m okay overall. There is going
to be pressure put back on me from the Jobseekers department but with the
support of the doctor I now feel I can manage what they require from me.
Today’s post is going to be about Honesty and Trust. In the
last couple of posts I’ve briefly talked about how I’m trying to be as honest
as possible in what I write, even though at times I do struggle with trusting
this information to anyone who just happens to read it. So with those thoughts
in mind I felt it was time to do a post about honesty and trust.
I strongly feel
honesty is one of the most important things in life. So many problems between
people and relationships are caused because people aren’t completely truthful
with one another. The lack of complete honesty leads to assumptions being made
by others and then assumptions often leads to misunderstandings, then
misunderstandings leads to arguments and fights. I feel if honesty is present
then trust is built and when you feel you can trust someone then there is a
special connection that can help us cope with difficult times. This bond can
provide the support that is needed without feeling like we have to protect
ourselves or even protect others by not telling them about things.
Being honest is
easier said than done though, as we don’t live in such an ideal world where we
can trust everyone. This is where good judgement and observation becomes
important. We have to find people we can trust to be honest with. These people
will hopefully be friends or family who will show support, but again this is
not always possible, or even the desired option for some people (myself
included at times), so a professional, such as a counsellour, might be the best
person to talk to who you can trust. In whatever circumstances, having such a
bond of trust is remarkable. The burdens can be shared without any concern of
criticism and negative judgement and this helps lift the many weights we all
carry and keep hidden.
From a personal point of view, I really
struggle to talk about the deeper side of my struggles to my friends and family.
I don’t think it’s a trust thing though as
I do trust them, however, I do feel perhaps they wouldn’t understand and
I also don’t want to burden them with my worries etc. I don’t think this is
necessarily a bad thing as right now I feel it’s okay for me not to talk to
them as that’s the approach I feel is best for me and them. I feel I can
contain most of what’s going on in my life and process it, but in the past I
have gone to them and opened up and have been honest and it has helped.
I think it comes back
to the common theme of being able to assess what is best for you in your
specific circumstances. If you feel you could benefit from talking with someone
you trust then I strongly encourage it and if you feel you can process it
internally then I encourage this too. It all requires a lot of self reflection,
and actually being honest to yourself, and being able to see what will help you
and not letting some of the desires to be independent or not burden people get
in the way of receiving the help you need. I know my own pride stops me getting
help at times. Just writing about all of this has shown me that I need to
improve in my ability to seek help and be honest when I’m struggling.
This leads into a
bit more discussion about honesty and how sometimes ideas like ‘manning up’ or
‘getting on with it’ can be dangerous. We often think we have to be strong and
keep going when deep down we know we need to slow down a bit. The opinions of
others really have an impact on this because we worry what others will think if
we’re not doing as well as they expect us to, or as well as we think they
expect us to. My personal view is to try and not worry about what others think
as long as you are honest with yourself and being honest with your limitations
so you don’t make yourself more ill. It requires a lot of courage to stand up
to how others might respond, but it’s an important skill if we are going to
stay healthy, and as a consequence be happier. If people don’t respond
compassionately or in an understanding way it says more about them than it does
about you.
In respect to
people who are on the outside looking in, such as family, friends, work
colleges and employers I would encourage more compassion and empathy. Think
about how you would feel if you had such struggles and how you’d deal with them
and this will give you a better insight that not everything is black and white
as sometimes we think it is. Be a friend, be kind, be caring, give good logical
advice, have patience, be encouraging, and most importantly be specific to
them. If you know them well then you will know the best approach that will help
them. I have often noticed that it is easy to offer help than to ask for it, so
don’t hesitate to be honest and ask how you can help if you’re not sure what to
do. Often we make assumptions we’re helping, but we’re only helping in the way
we think they need help, and not in the way they actually need. Just ask in an
honest and trusting way and most likely they will thank you for it. They may
just have needed someone to actually ask how they can help, so they could feel
someone really cared and then they can be honest about any struggles in their
life.
If we work to build
those types of relationships with others I know we will experience the true essence,
connections and bonds of friendship. And from my own experience, that is
something certainly worth having. Honest and Trust, and how it applies to many
different aspects of life, are a crucial part of this.
Fun and Education combined: Not directly related to what's above, but this is a good
discussion about Honesty, Humility and Humour.
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