In the last post I used a
personal experience to discuss some ideas around hope and despair, and I spoke
about how the experiences affected me as an individual. This post is going to
discuss more about how everything we experience in life is relative to the
individual, and when dealing with mental and physical health struggles it is
important to understand that specifics are required.
I know fine well there are people out there who would have dealt with
the struggles I face a lot better, and people who would have dealt with them a
lot worse. This is just the nature of circumstances and individuality and it is
why we should never generalise these things and say ‘oh, if so and so can deal
with a certain struggle then why can’t you deal with this one.’
I also know
there will be people struggling with harder things than I do and pains and
hardships that I can’t fully understand. Despite knowing this I will endeavour
to discuss the things I’ve learned from my health problems in the hope that
anyone, in any circumstance, can take a little something from these
discussions.
Remember that what I share is just personal experiences with my own
perspective attached. Everyone is different and everyone sees things in a
slightly different way than everyone else. But that is a good thing. I think
the key is learning to also see other people’s points of view and perspectives
and this will allow for better relationships with each other as human beings.
The truth is I could never fully cover every possible angle of how to be
specific in these discussions, as I can’t find out your specific struggles from
just writing a blog. I just hope even my little seeds of thoughts, experiences
and perspectives may be of some use. At the end of the day the common themes,
and what unites us in all this, will be how we feel and react, and though
complex, our emotions and desire for happiness are the foundation that we can
build upon to support one another.
As I’ve mentioned above, the important ways of learning to be specific
and treat people as individuals, in my opinion, is gaining a broad
understanding of diverse perspectives, and putting yourself in someone else’s
shoes/seeing the world through someone else’s eyes.
In the
case of gaining a broad perspective, I think we have to harness and control our
natural reaction to avoid, or attack anything that is different or do not
understand. In a general sense we tend to become very defensive, and although
this has benefits to protect us, it should not completely stop us from learning
about that which is different. Caution is always the first and best policy, but
if we encounter something new, or different, we should gradually attempt to
understand why it is different. When this is done we usually realise our first
judgement to avoid, or be defensive, was wrong and we would have missed out on
a friend or experience if we had followed are initial reaction.
Take stereotypes for example. Too often I fall into the trap of
prejudging someone because their clothes are different, or because they like a
certain type of music, or even at times I’ve noticed I avoid girls who
currently fit the media’s constructed view of ‘attractive’ because I often make
the assumption they are going to be vain and shallow. The truth is I’m the one
being shallow, but my natural reaction is to judge this way so if I don’t watch
myself I narrow my perspective. The problem of prejudging occurs because
everyone can fit into a box/stereotype, but this does not mean anything! People
are an individual and any outward appearance, or different behaviour to your
own, has no real correlation to the vast scope of what makes them a unique
person.
This leads to the next point of how different behaviour can cause us to
be general and not specific. If someone acts different from what we think is
the ‘right way’ then we box them as a negative or strange or wrong. This is why
when it comes to being specific to individuals looking at life through their
eyes is so very important. Trying to understand why someone may do something
differently from you, and seeing that most of the time there is no right or
wrong in these cases, just differences, is so important.
An example of this is my health. I often need people to be understanding
and see things from my perspective. At the very start of the panic attacks they
would often come out of nowhere and I could be out with friends and feel one
coming on. I would have to leave and find somewhere quiet until it passed and
if bad would have to go home. My friends had to be understanding of where I
would just leave for no apparent reason.
Another example is my diet. So often
people offer to have me over for dinner and I often decline because I don’t
want to be nuisance with my specific needs. If I ever eat out I often have to
take apple juice with me as this seems to be the only drink I can drink on a
regular bases that doesn’t make me ill. If a restaurant doesn’t have it on the
menu then I need a back up. It’s seemingly random behaviour from the outside
but to those who understand that I’ll be sick otherwise it makes sense.
This is why I feel so strongly that if we take time to think of the possibilities
of why someone behaviours outwith the parameters of what’s perceived as normal. If we do this then we will broaden our understanding of others. In turn, when we need to be
understood, hopefully others will have more sympathy, empathy and
understanding. It all requires an ability to be specific towards people and
treat each other as individuals and not just generalise one another.
I do understand that this can be hard, as I still fall into the trap so
often. I’m trying to do better and that is the key here as change doesn’t
happen overnight, it takes years. It is clear that there is so much
understanding and empathy needed in life, and even more so when mental and physical health struggles are involved. In the next post I will discuss empathy and understanding in more detail.
Education:
Mary Shelly’s, Frankenstein, is one
of my favourite stories and excellent for learning about behaving specifically
and not judging. There is much more in the story than just the general, ‘oh you
shouldn’t judge,’ theme, which it often gets narrowed down to. Although this
theme is good to understand, there is so much more that can be taken from this
story and I would recommend giving it a read.
Fun:
A very funny sketch from Harry Enfield and Ronny Corbett.
A very funny sketch from Harry Enfield and Ronny Corbett.
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