This is a post
I put on facebook recently and covers most of what is going on with health at
the moment.
Just a random
'explaining' post about things that are going on in the life of Steven (mostly
for those in Scotland, but applies to all and explains my lack of contact or
visits). I hate posting about what can be seen as negative things going on in
my life as they can come across as complaining, but I feel strongly the
following post needed to be shared. (doing it via facebook seemed the most
efficient way of getting the message out).
Long story short- its the health stuff, which also has a
negative impact on money stuff. The health has been getting slowly worse over
the years and i've been very very fortunate to cram in a lot while I could.
However I can now barely make it through the day without two naps and a good
9/10 hour sleep at night. Whatever is going on with the cfs it has got to the
point where I have to be very strict with myself or I get even more ill both
physically and mentally. It's an absolute 'insert own level of bad word' to
accept but I do accept it.
All this
said it means for those, even at a relatively close distance i'm not the friend
I once was or want to be. Friendships work two ways and I can barley be a
friend anymore at least not the way I was or want to be. I just don't have as
much energy or concentration or the emotional control not to get upset, even
when doing simple things like writing emails to people. Skype seems to be a
good medium, well once I can afford the internet in my place of residence. Once
I do have it i'll let people know my skype so perhaps we can keep in touch that
way.
For those
in Scotland I'm not able to show you how much I love and value your friendships
by coming and visiting and giving you hugs the way I want. At least not for
now. Things can change and i'm going to try and be strict over the next 6
months in the hope I can gain back some energy, but for now I can't come up. I
have a number of things planned (have been for a long while), mostly book
related, that are going to use up a lot of effort, but I can't take on anything
else or add to my future schedule.
Despite
the heartache this causes me I am in good spirits! I have been blessed with so
much and learned not to take the simplest things for granted. People have it a
lot worse than I do so I will always try to honour what I do have and not
complain about what I don't have. I have been beyond fortunate to make new
friends here in England that look after me and show me the same kindness like
so many special souls that I have met over the years have.
I am
waiting on a referral to a cfs specialist in Bristol and doing little social
things and book related things when I can to keep me feeling sane and
productive. I have no doubts that every experience I have is important and that
even though I feel trapped a lot of the time I have gained a greater love for
each human on this planet, even though ironically I barely have the energy to
show that love by being there for people the way I used to.
Please
know that I am happy and still believe there are exciting things ahead for the
future. I just have to take it at a snails pace. I may not be successful in the
eyes of a materialistic world, but I consider myself infinitely successful
because I have such loving friends and family.
